Coming Soon!!

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Hey my loves! Thanks for coming through… I’m working hard to revamp my blog with hot new looks and some pretty amazing posts. It’s a little unorganized around here right now but you’re welcome to stay and look at some of my past posts…  and don’t forget to stop back by to see the new and improved jamiedreamsbig.com! MUAH… Love ya

Sober Saturday: Deal with It

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I saw this the other day and thought “Wow!” It’s one of those simple truths that sounds so profound when you’re in a place of wanting to move forward but can’t figure out what’s holding you back….

 My WEAKNESSES?!

Yes, Jamie. Your weaknesses.

Just being completely honest about the situation I can think of times that I’ve done something wrong and I immediately think about or bring up all the good I do. I’ve identified that it is a defense mechanism because I dont want anyone to take anything from me. But the truth is, if I don’t deal with some of my flaws and improve I will be remembered for the bad instead if the good.

The same is true with addiction.

Unfortunately some of the BEST people struggle with addiction.

The greatest musicians, mothers and fathers, husbands or wives, etc have something that just literally drains the good out of them. I believe that is why so many are SO frustrated… Because you know what’s there. You know what’s being neglected and wasted for a terrible habit. If we are not careful to deal with our demons they will conquer us and all the good will be completely wasted.

So deal with the bad so you can enjoy the good!! Live a good life and leave a good legacy. It is definitely  a process but I think as long as we recognize that having some good doesn’t make the bad irrelevant and actually address those issues head on- we’ll be fiiiine!

Deal with it!

New Resources & Tools!!

Guess what you guys?

I’ve added helpful information to the  Resources & Tools page!! I’m so excited just knowing that I’ve got a pretty good list started on programs that could possibly help even just one person be restored from Addiction. It’s awesome!

I have to tell you that I was actually contacted by someone with this information which is RARE! Ms. Brenda, the Community Outreach Coordinator for the Alcohol Awareness Council, emailed me asking if I’d be interested in Resources to add to the list already listed on the blog. So of course I said YES! It is an act that I’ll forever be grateful for and the perfect example of someone with more information reaching out to help. I love it!

The sources that she sent me are Project Know and Heroin.net and both of them are absolutely perfect for anyone looking for help with addiction. You can even specify your location and get helpful information for the area you live in!! Please visit the Resources & Tools page and the websites listed if you are seeking help. It’s all there!!

*I currently live in New Orleans, LA and Ms. Brenda was nice enough to include the links for the New Orleans area. If you follow the hyperlinks above it will lead you straight to the New Orleans pages for each website.

Sober Saturday: Sick and Tired…

When I was younger I could go NON-STOP!

I had 3 jobs, I’d make sure I volunteered at least once a week at a shelter, did all kinds of things with my younger niece and little cousins, and I was apart of the Drama Ministry at my Church. (Great Commission Baptist Church, Fort Worth, TX)

I did many shows over the years but right now one in particular sticks out to me…

It was the Black History program and I was all set to be Fannie Lou Hamer. A civil rights and voting rights activists who was known for her straight forward approach and the quote

 “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired”

Have you ever been there?

Sick of your situation… so far on the edge that you can see the end but cant reach it?

I’ve been there.

I’ve stressed over and over my hate for drugs and alcohol and how it destroys people and their families and I know this is Sober Saturday but I also know that there are people out there like myself who don’t have a substance or alcohol abuse problem but are SICK AND TIRED!

Is it your job? Is it your lack of a job? Your family? Is it this messed up world we live in? (It’s bad out here ya’ll) Or is it in fact an addiction to something you NEVER thought would even cross your mind and now it’s all you think about?

What is it?

What are you tired of?

I love Ms. Hamer. I cant remember the complete monologue. I cant remember much about her. I don’t know if I should be typing Mrs instead of Ms. In fact, the only thing that I remember confidently is the quote that she’s known for so much that it is engraved on her tombstone. What I admire most about it is that despite her tiredness mentally, spiritually, and even physically she took action. And aggressively! Even as a Black woman in those days, with all she had against her to begin with she found ways to try to change her situation and the world around her.

What are you doing to change your situation? It’s not enough to just be tired. It’s not enough to just want change. I’m not going to go into the whole “you have to be strong”, “you have to push through” speech because we all know what we have to do OR better yet, we know what NOT to do. Don’t put yourself back in the same situation because it convenient. Don’t do that to yourself. Do what you gotta do. Get it together. No more sulking, being lazy, and JUST being tired.

Let Ms. Hamer inspire you and do it no matter how BIG the task seems.

DO SOMETHING!!

and then get some rest…

“You can pray until you faint but unless you get up and try to do something God is not going to put it in your lap”

-Fannie Lou Hamer

Rest In Peace

Sober Saturday: Free. For real!

Hello my loves!! I hope all is well with you…

Okay so, I’m just gonna jump right in to today’s topic- FREEDOM!

I started thinking about how so many of us are free (from addiction, anger, lies, etc) but are still living our lives as captives to our old issues when I saw Afrobella’s (she’s a blogger. The BEST! Seriously tho) post on Facebook this past Thursday, June 19 also known to many (not enough) as Juneteenth. For those of you that don’t know, June 19, 1865 is the day the news that all slaves were free FINALLY reached the last of the slaves near Galveston, Tx. This day is now observed as a holiday in the hearts and minds (not Nationally… Yet!) and celebrated as the day their ancestors were officially freed.

 

Now, I know the history geeks are saying “huh?! That’s two years after the Emancipation Proclamation (the article in which Abraham Lincoln declared slaves were free)” And yes, you’re right it is! Almost two and a half years after the news had just reached the last slaves and even after this some people stuck around to see what “employment” would mean for them. They still felt a sense of fear or maybe even loyalty to the same people who had often times been SO horrible to them and their families even after they’d been set free.

 

Thinking about all if this of course I couldn’t help but realize the similarity to addiction.

 

So many people have been freed from the grasp of addiction but still operate as if they are addicted because it’s all they know. There is some fear of the unknown and temptation to stay addicted and continue to deal with their problems the way they’ve been doing it even though their addiction has been HORRIBLE to them, their families, and in their life overall. ADDICTION IS MORE THAN JUST THE ACT OF DOING THE DRUG, HAVING SEX, GAMBLING, ETC.  It’s also everything that comes with it! The lying, manipulating, cheating, stealing, etc. When the addiction is gone you have to take it a few steps further and work on dropping the old ways that helped your addiction otherwise, are you fully free? We are all concerned about what addiction does to the body physically… But if you drop the addiction and keep the old supporting ways of addiction (yes, this includes the old friends that are hating on your sobriety) will you get your family back? Your job? That feeling of being completely free?! You’ll be healthy and ALONE!

 

Take it a step further today and do what it takes to be FREE. For real!

 

 

Sober Saturday: Motivation

Hello my loves!!

It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted anything and I must say, I’m so grateful for my blog and my followers, that I feel guilty when I feel unmotivated especially for important posts like the ones I do on Sex Trafficking and of course, SOBER SATURDAY!

I sat in the bed last night and began to panic when I realized that it was Friday and I hadn’t even thought about what I’d post for Sober Saturday let alone be motivated or urged (by my own thoughts, others, God, circumstances, etc) to post something like I usually am. I refused to NOT have a post yet another Saturday! REFUSED!! It was then that it occurred to me that my responsibility despite my motivation (or lack thereof) was a post in itself.

Regardless of who you are and what you do motivation is something we all need. Sometimes it may seem people don’t know the answer or don’t understand simply to give you the opportunity to find the answer in yourself.

 

There are so many of you that may be new to sobriety or working towards sobriety, OR simply feeling unmotivated… We allow our jobs, situations,  family and friends, and even addiction, to occupy our lives so much that there’s nothing left. When it’s time to do something that is usually pretty simple we are so worn down that we don’t even have the energy or ,mind space for it.  This is exactly what has been happening with me and blogging- something that I LOVE doing and is good for me has taken a backseat because I’ve allowed other things to get in the front.

I know this post isn’t very long or necessarily full of profound things but I certainly hope it can be a jumping point for some of you to begin doing the things you love even when you may be low on energy or feeling down. Doing something you love and pushing through despite how you’re feeling may remind you why you began it in the first place and spark inspiration to continue. Whether it’s motivating yourself to stop using drugs, encouraging yourself to get up and go to the AA meeting, or pushing through the tiredness and writing a blogpost- ENCOURAGE YOURSELF and keep moving!! Think about some of the things you like to do that are good for you… Some of the things that can be cathartic and provoke self growth. Maybe you need to go through and do some prioritizing and ERASING things and/or people from your life than really don’t add anything positive to your personal growth. It can be hard work depending on how far down on the list you’ve allowed positivity and personal growth to sink. Do it anyway! The peace you’ll experience from a free mind (freedom from drugs, alcohol, negativity, stress, work, etc) will be SO worth it.

Reach for more… And while your hand is on the way up BELIEVE you’ll be bringing down the things you need to help you keep moving.

 

 

I thought from the age of about 5 that I would be a Movie Star at a young age and that people would watch me grow up on tv or in movies… The thing I absolutely love about jamiedreamsbig.com is that you guys are able to witness my growth as a young adult as it happens. No, it’s not in the way that I thought it would be. But, it’s in a more real, up close and personal kind of way. I’m as honest as I can be with y’all and I genuinely PRAY and hope that my blog inspires you in some way.

 

Thanks to all of my new followers!! I see ya…

And thanks to the ones who have been with me from the beginning… I appreciate all the love. I LOVE the love.

 

You WILL hear from/see me soon! MUAH!

 

Sober Saturday: Bumpy Roads

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Hello my loves! HAPPY SOBER SATURDAY!!!!

I just wanted to drop a quick line to let you know that relapse is ONLY a bump in the road., something that slows you down en route to your final destination- Freedom from Addiction. At times the road to addiction will be hard and you just might stumble and fall. What you’ve got to remember is not to allow the guilt from relapsing take you into a downward spiral of more relapsing. I think guilt is one of the things that can seem so hopeless at times about addiction because you’re trying to deal with things the way you’re used to so you relapse… And the guilt from relapsing makes you want to use, drink, etc more just to deal with what you’ve done…. And that is where the downward spiral can begin…

Do you stop and park at speed bumps when you’re driving? No!

Don’t let this be any different…

If you fall just get up and keep moving…

And yes, it IS a lot easier said than done. But you’re capable of beating your addiction.

Get up and keep moving…

You’re stronger than your addiction will allow you to believe.

Keep Moving…

You’re smarter than your addiction will ever give you the opportunity to show.

You’re capable.

you are loved.

and you WILL beat your addiction.

Just keep moving!!

MUAH, JNB

 

 

HAPPY SOBER SATURDAY!!

 

Hello my loves!! I know how hard it is to be transparent and let your demons be known by everyone… Trust me I do! This blog is geared to healing by inspiration… HEALING!! No healing will be able to take place by not addressing the issue… Now I know the transparency thing isn’t everyone’s cup if tea… It’s not for everybody. Transparency requires a special level of bravery… So, if you aren’t feeling pressed to share or maybe just not right now it’s SO totally fine. I understand. But, those of you who are ready to inspire others by some of the things you’ve been through PLEASE email me. If you’re not sure of everything you want to say or how to begin…  Just tell me! We will figure it out… I’ll type as you talk if we have to. It seems extreme… But so many people go to extremes for things that don’t matter. Well this one does.

jamiedreamsbig@gmail.com is the email address. I’m waiting (taps foot)

Sober Saturday: Addiction Alienates

Hey guys!! It’s SOBER SATURDAY!!!!

 

Today’s post is something that I’ve dealt with time and time again…. It’s about yet another affect addiction can have on the addict and ultimately families, relationships, and even self esteem.

 

Alienation. I HATE IT!

 

A lot of things come with being addicted to something other than just the addiction itself. Pride, low self esteem, and guilt are just a few that are sitting at the top of my brain right now… What often happens is that the addict is either SO stuck in addiction that they push you away out of trying to get their fix or that they are ashamed or dealing with the guilt of a relapse that they’d rather not face it an in turn push you away. It hurts.

Most of the memories that I have of this happening are with my Dad and most of the times it starts with a broken promise. A promise to send money, a promise to come see me off to prom, or a promise to follow through on something that had a level of importance to me. Now, I want to be clear- I know my Dad loves me and may have had every intention to follow through on his promise and prove to himself and me that he could “handle” his addiction and that it didn’t have a hold on him. One of the things about addiction is that the pride never allows you to see it as bad as it really is… I’ve matured a lot over the years but the way I used to deal with the broken promises or lies is anger. I would be so angry and  disappointed and being me, I wasn’t shy about telling him exactly how I felt and doing what hurt people do- trying to make him feel what I felt by expressing my disgust. Well, the way he would deal with it is to just act like it didn’t happen, or just not answer my phone calls, lies, etc. He would alienate himself from me so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt from me being disappointed. And looking back at it now, even though my eyes are filling with tears as I type this, I can understand why he would alienate himself. At the time I often wondered “is it me?” “Why doesn’t my Dad want to talk to me?”, etc… I still loved myself but I can say that at times my self esteem was highly affected by it.

 

There are several things that can be taken from today’s Sober Saturday post… I could put this all on the addict but I’ll go another route. Although addiction and the things addicts do can be very hurtful, use the situation to better YOURSELF! Have you identified your reaction and how it can improve when hurtful things happen? That can be applied to your life as a whole. Have you identified how the addict in your life deals with the guilt of their addiction? They may be alienating themselves for YOUR good! Dig deep and try to work out the kinks… It will not be easy. It hurts. I’ve worked to get to this level of accepting someone else’s addiction and progress on their own terms for most of my life… I still cry and get upset when my feelings are hurt but my approach to the way I deal with the hurt has changed DRASTICALLY! I hate addiction. I hate what it does to people. This post is in NO WAY encouraging addiction but instead, developing a way for you to not let someone else’s addiction drag you through the mud. It’s a horrible thing to love someone with an addiction because you don’t want to see them hurt themselves but if they are making the decision to continue after you’ve tried and tried and tried to help- you’ve gotta decide that there will be peace for you in spite of their actions. AND- when the addict sees that they won’t be subjected to more guilt and another reminder of how they failed and that those things have been replaced with support to get better and sympathy for this disease, the alienation will stop.

 

I always say how much I HATE addiction and how it destroys everything and I keep wanting to cry typing this from just memories… But I’m so grateful that more came out of being raised by parents with an addiction than just a temporary high for them. Don’t let the hurt that can come with addiction be in vain…  There has to be growth!! Be happy and proud that you’re able to use bad situations to better yourself and keep on praying for their sobriety. They’ll get tired of being tired and sick of being at rock bottom and it will stop. Experience peace even while you’re in the storm…

 

MUAH!!

 

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS BEEN AFFECTED BY OR EXPOSED TO ADDICTION AND WOULD LIKE TO SHARE YOUR STORY EMAIL JAMIEDREAMSBIG@GMAIL.COM!!

 

Sober Saturday: ALIVE

April 2010 I very happily packed my Mazda 3 to its capacity and moved to Atlanta to pursue film. I very quickly got work being an “extra” on many films one of which was Footloose. Nearly everyday we’d meet for 12 hour shoots and we began to “really” learn each other… Who would want to play Mafia, who had a car, the part of town everyone lived in, what movies they’d been on, etc…

Well, today’s Sober Saturday post is by someone from my Footloose Family. Someone I learned basic things about while waiting to go to set… Someone who was always nice and always had a smile.

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Emi is the one on the left… I’m on the right looking a mess!

If she hadn’t written this story I could’ve never guessed she was struggling with something SO heavy at such a young age. It’s an extremely inspiring story about a young woman with a backbone. Strong enough to make a man be a man!! I’m proud of her! And I’m glad she’s telling her story…

“Alive”

My story is not one of trials and tribulations. I do not know what it is like to be alone, feel hunger, or abuse. My goal is not to make you cry, but to bring to light how easy it can be for a simple young girl to get caught up in a whirlwind of bad decisions.

He was five. She was five. Pinkies were crossed, and a promise was made. A promise that they would one day get married, have babies, and be best friends forever. He was fourteen. She was fourteen. He cheerfully talked about his new girl friend while she desperately wished he was talking about her. He was sixteen. She was sixteen. She nervously sat by a tree in the woods as he rolled a joint. She declined when it was passed her way, but was terrified he would not want to see her anymore. He was eighteen. She was eighteen. The date she had always dreamed of, and the goodnight kiss she had prayed for finally happened! The end of that night marked the beginning of a relationship.

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He was happy. She was happy. He would still roll joints, but, it was only weed. He would offer, and she finally began to accept. Remember, it was only weed. He opened her life to new friends, music, clothes, possibilities, ideas, and adventures. Every question seemed to have an answer. Till one day she came across a pill in a plastic bag. “It’s only Xanax. I need it because it calms me down.”, was his immediate response. She stayed quite because, after all, it was only weed and Xanax.

He was nineteen. She was nineteen. All the answers slowly became questions. Unanswered phone calls, deleted texts, and hostile conversations became part of their daily routine. She did not read the signs when his head was in the toilet every day. She did not understand why he quit his job. She justified why he had to live with her and her parents. She did it all gladly in the name of love. Surely he could not be doing anything terrible because it was only weed and Xanax. Every argument ended in her apologizing to him; for how dare she suggest he was on anything stronger. Even her friends were alienated if they mentioned the words “pain pill addiction.” She never thought to ask why he was so skinny, and finding him searching through her piggy bank like a mad man was no big deal at all. Remember, it was just weed, Xanax, and maybe, sometimes, every now and then, a pain pill. His compassion slowly turned to control. Control of what she ate, who she saw, and what she did.

He was twenty. She was twenty. He was getting his fix. She was sitting at her birthday dinner with her family making yet another excuse as to why he could not make it. Her innocence vanished, confidence shattered, faith altered, and heart broken. That night at one miraculous moment of what some people would call God, and others Fate happened. She experienced clarity for the first time in a long time. As she laid crying on her brother’s shoulder, the radio sang, “Everything’s gonna be all right. Rockabye. Rockabye.” She went home, packed his clothes, records, and every trace of the life they shared. She realized she could no longer follow down his path. She then said the hardest goodbye she had ever made. Trying months laid ahead. His addiction became worse, but her mind became more clear. She never regretted her decisions because they made her stronger. She realized addiction had stollen away the one she loved, and he was not coming back.

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She finally let his actions become his responsibility. He hit rock bottom and slowly resurfaced. She, on the other hand, fell into the best kinds of addictions; she fell in love.

He is twenty three. I am twenty three. Only those close to him know about his well being. I however, am a mother, friend, sister, daughter, and companion. I love a wonderful man, and we are raising a beautiful daughter.

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My story could have ended in tragedy, but thanks to friends, family, and a whole lot of prayer, my story is one of hope. Stories like mine do not happen every day, and I am extremely thankful. I am passionate, beautiful, and smart.

Most importantly however, I am alive.

IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW HAS BEEN AFFECTED BY ADDICTION AND WOULD LIKE YOUR STORY TO BE FEATURED ON SOBER SATURDAY EMAIL JAMIEDREAMSBIG@GMAIL.COM!!