Sober Saturday: War

Happy Sober Saturday!!

I am jumping back into Sober Saturday (It’s bi-weekly now) with a very transparent story about an experience that happened to me about a year ago. This experience was one of the scariest things that ever happened to me and though it wasn’t about an addiction to anything, it taught me soooo much about myself.  I had a difficult time recording this video and even now I’m nervous about posting it. I didn’t do a lot of editing AT ALL because trying to perfect it became a distraction from actually posting it and moving on. I’m ready to FULLY live in the freedom that comes from overcoming something and if that means getting it out then I’m up for it.

Here’s the story…

WAR-

A SUSTAINED EFFORT TO DEAL WITH OR END A PARTICULAR UNPLEASANT OR UNDESIRABLE SITUATION OR CONDITION.

After visiting many Doctors in New Orleans and Ft Worth (really just to comfort my family, I already knew what it was) and after many, many tests nothing was found. I grew even more frustrated and thought of ALL the possibilities that could happen and that took my focus away from actually dealing with the situation. I’m someone who values things being done properly so all I could think was  “What am I doing wrong?” “What did I do to upset God?” “Why isn’t he helping me?”  But this was about me realizing the strength that God had ALREADY given me.

I was so devastated and broken because I’d never experienced anything like this. After losing confidence in my appearance and even my capabilities I cut all of my hair off (I wanted to see myself differently. I think that helped…) and I have strayed away from using my imagination so much. This was the first year since I started theater that I didn’t participate in any form of theater really AT ALL. I allowed this experience to become bigger than me. I had to realize who I was and what I’ve already done and what I’ve already overcome and then FIGHT for myself and my dreams. I had to get a lil cocky! Lol. I had to go to War and show Satan and myself that I’m strong enough to win and then, WIN! This wasn’t a pleasant experience by far but it allowed me to look at how I was dealing with it and realize that that is how I deal with most things. I allow my mind to take something and build on to it… I allow myself to make things bigger and treat them as though its real and true. (Apparently the eyeballs WEREN’T all over me… Lol.) As I stated in the video, the mind is a powerful thing. When you are convinced of something in your mind you begin to act as though it is fact. Your reaction, actions, your body, everything responds to what your mind tells it to.

This Sober Saturday isn’t about being Sober from any addiction but its about identifying a dysfunction in your behavior and correcting it. The war isn’t always going to be against Satan or someone else… on the worst days the person you are and the person you are supposed to become will have to fight. It’s tough work but its so worth it. This is a part of my journey… And the physical illness woke me up to allow myself to heal and grow spiritually. I cannot stand Satan but I’m glad that he brought the warfare because God turned it around to benefit me and has really taken me to a new level of living.

Do the work guys! And fight for yourself… God believes in you enough to keep you here and to put you on this earth for a purpose. If it’s good enough for him to believe in… out of EVERYONE ONE THE EARTH, he chose you… If he believes it, you are capable!

Thanks so much for sticking with me.

Sober Saturday is back in full effect so if you have something to share please don’t keep it to yourself. Someone is somewhere waiting to hear a story like yours to take them into the next level of living… DO IT! Email jamiedreamsbig@gmail.com

Muah!

Throwback Thursday: God spared my life

imageOn this day a month ago I stepped out of this car, facing the wrong way on the interstate in 9am traffic with not one scratch or bruise on my body. I have no question in my mind about who it was that saved me that day.

It was a dreary day and we were all getting together for breakfast at one of our favorite spots Anita’s. We left early and because the rest of our group was running behind we decided to take it easy. We got on the interstate and before we could make it even a mile down the road the car slid on what may have been a puddle of water… Coming out of the slide I remember thinking “That was close..” But it didn’t stop there. We spun around several times hitting both sides of the interstate (SO close to going over) and it seems that all of the cars in front of us sped ahead and all the cars behind us froze in time. I called Jesus’ name the entire time and I know he was there with us. It was an extremely scary thing to happen but the peace that God gave me while we were spinning told me that everything would be okay and it is!

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We both both stepped out of the car able to walk and talk and have all of the regular activity of our limbs. God is good huh? He’s never failed me and though I know he never will, this experience really opened my eyes to some things. My life and my purpose is precious to him. Lil ole me y’all!

I’m so glad he looked beyond all of my faults and spared my life so I can live for him and truly walk in the purpose that  he clearly wants me here on earth for.

Thank you God! You’re amazing!

IM BAAAACK!!!!

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Hey my babies!!! I miss y’all…

It’s been a very long time since I’ve posted anything on the blog, YouTube, or the Facebook page. I’ve been battling something that took so much of my confidence in myself, confidence in my knowledge, and it almost stripped me if me. I’ve been affected by it physically, mentally, spiritually, and EVERY way I could think to say… Even now I’m fighting!

With the loss of confidence and drive and encouragement I just haven’t had it in me to post anything… But from the ashes I rise!! I’ve never been one to just roll over and accept defeat so I’ve chosen to get up and fight back. I have new weapons too!! I’ve learned a lot about myself, my relationships, my EVERYTHING, and God over the past two months and I’m so excited that I’m back and I’m stronger. Thanks for sticking with me and stay tuned for some great posts to come. There may be a few changes to the blog because I’ve changed… But they will enhance the jamiedreamsbig experience. MUAH! I love yoooou!

Excuse the absence…

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Hey my loves!! Please forgive the lack of my presence here on the blog…

I’ve always known that doing theater (and most other forms of art) is either feast or famine and I am currently overflowing with opportunities. (Thank You God!! You’re the best thing yet!!) I’m going to come up with a clever way to do EVERYTHING my little brain can dream up including regularly posting to the blog but right now IM WORN OUT!! Lol. I’ve got some really exciting news to share with you real soon so stayed tuned!! In the meantime, spread the word about jamiedreamsbig.com and check out my Facebook and YouTube pages. MUAH

Lately…

Hello and Happy Sunday!!

How did you sleep? Well, although I wouldn’t be able to same the same for myself, I hope you got plenty of rest.

Lately I haven’t been sleeping well because I’ve been up at night dreaming. Yes, awake and dreaming! (Seems I’ve got it backwards… I know) God has fulfilled SO many of his promises to me in just these few months of the New Year that I’ve been up praying/thanking him and excited about what’s to come. SO excited that I can’t sleep. Lol.

Everything isn’t perfect BY FAR but sometimes we have to look at what God has already done to stay encouraged and know by faith that he will fulfill every promise. I’m overwhelmed with blessings right now! Lol. He flipped it on me a little. He’s funny like that. He’s good like that.

If it hadn’t happened yet keep praying and believing! It will happen right in time. Be ready!

Good day my loves… Muah, jnb

*By the way- I know I’ve been slacking on posting… It goes back to that while overwhelmed with blessings thing… Lol. My apologies. I’ll get better. I promise

Sober Saturday: Faith Driven

What drives you?….

A question that I realize can mean many things so of course, we’ll explore what I’m talking about a little.

 

Some of you know that I’m an aspiring actress. Always have been! Well, recently I’ve was blessed with several offers for several positions in theater that will span from now through this Summer. Great! I know… IM SO EXCITED!! In addition to those Theater jobs I was also offered a position in Hospitality. I was a bit apprehensive because I’ve done hospitality before and although I love interacting with people IM OVER IT! It always comes back to the fact that it’s just not what I REALLY want to do. I was still excited about the income I could generate with all of these new opportunities I had been blessed with AND what the increase in my bank account would mean for other areas of my life. I could move, help out more, FINALLY start a new initiative I’ve been trying to introduce to the blog, etc, etc, etc. The only thing is… This new hospitality job would eventually have conflicting hours with my sometimes VERY demanding Theater schedule BUT it is consistent in many ways that I need at the time. So, after praying and thinking and obsessing over what to do- I quit the hospitality job. Yep! Only 4 days in and I was done. I was very upset about it… I felt like I’d wasted the time of so many people and I just felt bad. I knew it was right though… So I marched forward with the decision.

A few of the first thing most people ask is “Will you make enough money doing Theater?” “Are you still going to be able to move?” Blah, blah, blah.

Honestly my answer is “I don’t know” I’m trusting that God will work it out for me. And I don’t know how or when… But I know HE WILL! I’ve said it a million times and I’ll say it again, I’m a faith driven person. Gods promise is enough for me to lean on.

 

I know many of you are probably wondering what this has to do with staying sober. Well, like me, some of you may have decided you aren’t going back to where you were. You’ve prayed about it, talked it out, obsessed over it and you’ve decided that every move you make will be a step in the right direction for your life, your career, your family, your dreams…  Be strong enough to tell temptation NO when outside distractions come and paint a pretty picture of what one moment of your life can be like. Look at the big picture… How will you feel after? How do you feel even going into it? If you can say that the big picture regarding addiction is a good feeling then this post isn’t for you. Do what it takes to make big picture changes. Don’t be worried about what other people say because everybody just won’t understand. Find something good to be driven by. And don’t allow it to be materialistic, monetary, or a temporary fix. Those things will fail you every time!

 

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Dont you dare look back! Keep going! Keep pushing!

There is life after addiction!!

Go find yourself!!

SOBER SATURDAY: “What time is it? TOOL TIME!!”

Happy Saturday My Loves!!

Its Sober Saturday and this week I’ve decided to do something a little different…

Reading stories and testimonies about what addiction is or was like for others is a great tool for inspiring, encouraging, and really just letting people know “you’re not alone” or “I understand”… And I think that it’s great! I think it can really give people the push they need to go ahead and begin to kick the habit… However, identifying with someone else’s addiction will not help you get clean and stay clean so, in addition to stories and testimonies I will also give resources that can be used for aiding in recovery and/or for STAYING recovered. It’s tool time…

Okay so… The first resource that comes to mind is developing a STRONG relationship with God and finding a church home.

I hear so many people say they began doing drugs socially… At a party or with friends. Finding a church home will put you in a POSITIVE social setting around others who can identify with a struggle to do better in many ways. It’s a very difficult thing to begin to “replace” people that you’ve known for so long in your life… But the bottom line is, if you want to get better you may have to leave a few behind. If your friends that you get high with aren’t quite ready yet go find some people that are strong enough in their sobriety to help you and then you can go back and grab your buddies.

Sometimes when you’re speaking with someone who has never been in a situation you’re struggling with you feel like you’re being judged, looked down on, or insulted. Sometimes when you go to someone for help and you’re faced with nothing but negativity it discourages you more than you were before you went to them. I’ve been there… This is why it’s EXTREMELY important to make sure you’re praying, reading your bible, and visiting churches to build up your relationship with God so HE can lead you to the right church with the right people and perfect ministry for you. I love church… Love it! And I feel like I can get something out of any message anyone is speaking regardless of denomination as long as God is there… However, there’s nothing like being where God wants you to be. You’ll go from just relating and understanding the message to feeling like the Reverend is speaking to YOU! There will be ministries you can participate and thrive in. And these things are what will give you something to live for.

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At my church home (Great Commission Baptist Church in Fort Worth, TX) the Helping Hands Recovery Ministry is… Well, it’s exactly what the name says it is- Helping Hands. People who understand addiction- either because they were once addicts or because they have a passion for seeing lives restored from addiction. They attend Conventions, meetings, and retreats together all of which are for Overcomers. My mom is in the ministry and I really believe that it has aided in her sobriety TREMENDOUSLY! It gave her some thing to look forward to around people who understood what she was feeling or had felt and the support she really needed that family or her children couldn’t sometimes give because of the frustration.

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Some of the Helping Hands Recovery Ministry at their Annual Retreat. My mom is the lil short one in light blue. (what’s up Mom?!)

What are some other great programs and/or ministries for recovery?

Im interested to know so I can begin to feature ministries and programs in particular places when I do these “Tool Time” posts. So please, comment and follow the blog if you haven’t already. Also, if you would like your story to be featured on Sober Saturday email me at jamiedreamsbig.com. Share your journey with us! Were all proud of anyone who is clean or even wants to be clean… We’re all fighting SOMETHING!! Reach back and help pull someone if you’ve made it. MUAH!!

Sober Saturdays

Hey Guys!! I hope your holiday is going well…

By now most followers of the blog know that I am extremely passionate about seeing lives restored from addiction (of any kind) because of my own experience with drug and alcohol abuse. I’ve decided to do something called “Sober Saturday” where people can send in their personal experience with drugs, alcohol, gambling, or any addiction.

In the stories/testimonies you can include how those experiences changed your life (good and bad), things that helped/hurt your progress etc… OR if you are the friend or family member of someone who has an addiction you can tell how its affected your relationship and tell about the addiction from YOUR point of view… just whatever your story is! Its important for people to get different point of view’s because for some addicts hearing what another addict is going through wont help… but maybe hearing what the addicts daughter who is nearly the same age as their daughter went through will help. The thing that people don’t realize is all of our personal failures and triumphs can help someone else in some way. And, THAT is the reason that although I’m a pretty private person, I will willingly (VERY willingly) discuss the things I’ve been exposed to because of addiction. So, first up is my story. Or, pieces of it. Lol. It’s how I felt when I was in some of those situations.

I’m really hoping that these stories and testimonies can help someone struggling with addiction begin the process of getting clean and the process of mending broken relationships.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEND IN YOUR STORY EMAIL JAMIEDREAMSBIG@GMAIL.COM AND A NEW STORY WILL BE POSTED EVERY SATURDAY.

Restoration

(Heavy Sigh)

I’m a pretty private person. But, being private doesn’t help anyone. Being transparent does. And the goal here is healing! Not just for you but for me too! So here it is.  Why I am the way I am. Why I’m so passionate about seeing lives restored. This is my story.

I was born to two heroin addicted parents. From what I remember I had a good childhood! I was very loved and I was spoiled rotten with love! My dad used to carry me on his shoulders and sneak me candy and my mom was (and still is) truly OBSESSED with me! : ) There was a lot of arguing though… but I remember thinking that was normal. I remember knowing that something was up with them and their friends… I was the sweetest kid EVER but I was mean to their friends… I knew that they weren’t the best people to be around. But I didn’t know why… I couldn’t pinpoint it.

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 In my little Jamie mind I knew that when they came over my parents were normal and when they left my parents were what I thought was tired or sleepy or sad. I remember seeing my dad pace the floor in slow motion and my mom drift off to her own little world. They were high. I knew that something wasn’t right but I NEVER thought it would be drugs. One day I was outside playing having fun in my perfect no problem/ no responsibility 4th grade world and my mom called me inside. I was about to grow up way more than I knew. She took me in the back room of my sisters two bedroom apartment where we had just moved after being evicted from our own apartment. She told me that she and my father were addicted to drugs and that they were going to rehab for a while. I was going to live with my oldest sister. My whole world was crushed. I had been learning how to “Just say No”  and my parents were addicts! I was very confused and upset that they were leaving me. I didn’t understand why they couldn’t just not do it anymore. I didn’t understand that addiction is an illness. A disease. The cycle of rehab continued… They would go in dirty, come out clean, and relapse. Our lights would be off, my flute was having an affair with the pawn shop, and the fights and screaming matches continued.  When I was in 10th grade my mom had a dirty UA and she was going to rehab for a third time.  I was going to live with my oldest sister. And my dad was staying at the house that was my Grandmother’s. That is until the family decided that he wasn’t going to turn my Grandmother’s house into a trap house. He was now out on the street. I cant even begin to explain the worry in my 14 year old mind. Where would he sleep? What would he eat? Was he safe? Would he die out there?  I remember PRAYING that he would go to jail or calling his parole officer to tell her that he wasn’t clean. Well, my prayers were finally answered and he went to jail. I still Thank God for that until this day because I know he was headed to his grave. I am positive of that. They came home clean a year or so later and after about a  week… they were back pacing floors in their own world. It wasn’t fair! Why did I have to grow up so fast? Why were they picking drugs over me?! My mom wasn’t on probation anymore… she wouldn’t have to pass anymore UA’s. And my dad celebrated his last day on parole. Was this ever going to end?! Well… yeah. It would. My Mom hasn’t done any drugs in about 6 or 7 years!! (IM SO PROUD OF YOU GIRL!! NOBODY BUT GOD!) And although at times my Dad struggles with it, he is light years from where he was then. (C’MON DUDE WE’RE PUSHING FOR YOU) They aren’t together anymore… but they are better a part. Addiction has affected my life more than I will ever be able to put into words but, I wouldn’t change a thing. God knew that all of it would make me the mature, responsible, caring, optimistic, tough loving, encouraging, SCARED OF DRUGS, etc. person that I am today and I really thank him for it all! I love the person that I am and I know that I wouldn’t be all of me if it weren’t for the affect addiction had on me. I will have many, many, many posts about  Restoration. About the disease addiction is, how it affects families AND how it affects the addict. About how we need to support our family and how addicts need to understand the hurt families are feeling. There is a conversation that needs to happen and a healing that needs to take place. At the age of 9 I NEVER thought my Mom would tell me she was addicted to drugs and at 20 I NEVER thought she would tell me she was clean. Restoration in possible!!

 

 

So… this is all I’m looking for. Even if you don’t have the words to say… feel free to email me and we can set up something and I will write it. If you have been addicted to something and now you’re free you KNOW how good freedom feels!! Spread the feeling! God is not just allowing (Yes, its ALL allowed!) things to happen and you to be blessed and set free for you to keep it to yourself. Email Me!!

Just in case you’re almost at that point…

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Don’t you do it! Your journey is not complete without a few bumpy roads… and when you make it through you will appreciate the tough times for making you stronger. As I prepare to go back to New York I think about last year when I went for school… I always- seriously ALWAYS wanted to live in New York and I was finally there. It was everything I knew it would be and SO much more… SO much more!! I had the time of my life but it was not easy by far. I had some of my most difficult, humbling times in New York and I realized that while I had been praying to get there my whole life and being confused at why it was so hard to get there- I was there at the perfect time! I wouldn’t have been strong enough mentally, physically, or spiritually before that exact moment. God knows what he is doing. It may not always make a bunch of sense to us in the moment but in the big scheme of things- its PERFECT! Keep on trusting, keep on pushing! And every time you feel like giving up PUSH HARDER! Have a great day loves! Muah, JNB

Blessing my future by declaring victory!!

Blessing my future by declaring victory!!

Good morning and Happy Monday!! I think ive mentined before that i LOVE to read!! And I am absolutely OBSESSED with Joel Osteen’s ministry!! No matter what Im feeling (happy, sad, confused, discouraged, etc…) his sermons always speak to me! Always! His newest book, “I Declare” is full wisdom on how the things we speak outloud ultimately come to pass!! Ive always been a believer in Proverbs 18:21 which says “death and life are in the power of the tongue” and it has proved true in my life…. This book is just another way for me to declare that I will be victorious in life regardless of the daily battles I face AND to get a good read in daily!!!! In my mind im already the champ!! If you are ready to go higher, get this book!! It will strengthen your relationship with God, it will increase your faith and your confidence that what you have is enough!! And that God hasnt forgot about your dreams… he’s just waiting for the perfect time to make them a reality. Get this book!!