Sober Saturday: Kyle’s Story

My name is Kyle and I’m and alcoholic.  If only I knew how important that statement would become in my life ten years ago, I could have saved myself from so much destruction and pain.  Since the age of 16 I have used drugs and alcohol regularly – at first to temporarily escape the frustrations and insecurities of adolescence, but eventually I found myself having to use just to get out of bed in the morning.  From the second I woke up my whole existence became centered around getting loaded, every thought, every action, every word had the ulterior motive of getting myself as far away from sober as possible.  I had been entirely consumed by addiction at the age of 20.  Completely oblivious to the agony in and around me, I continued to reach new lows the following years, crossing lines I never imagined I would.

Meanwhile, I had been grievously wounding my family who had done nothing but love and support me unconditionally since birth.  Really good people.  It started with little lies and manipulations to try and save face.  But soon enough however, I was raiding medicine cabinets only to google a medications potential of giving me a buzz. The results usually showed that my loved ones were dealing with some serious health issues, but instead of being concerned for their wellbeing, my take away was, “well this won’t do anything for me… Now which way was the label facing again?”

I would regularly find myself thumbing through my mom’s wallet, deciding how much money I could take without her noticing.  While recovering from a surgery, she would rely on me to go the store to get us groceries which I would gladly do because that meant that she would give me her debit card which I could use at the ATM on the way back.  While sleeping, she would shriek in pain do to the surgery, but even that wasn’t enough for me to not steal her pain medication any chance I could.  The other members of my family received equally terrible and dishonest behavior from me.

I always thought myself one of the good guys, someone who would positively impact the lives of those around him. When I reached my 20’s that expectation to live a life of purpose began to deteriorate.  I was a drug addict and didn’t care about anything or anyone outside of myself.  I betrayed every single moral instilled in me growing up for the pitiful life I had made for myself.  Suicidal and depressed, losing job after job, selling my life to pawn shops, stealing, lying, cheating, scamming, you name it I wasn’t above anything when it came to getting a fix.  I had become something truly heinous and grotesque, a feral creature. For the first time I hit rock bottom and it hurt.  That’s when it happened.

On October 20th 2014 I found out about a program located in Los Angeles, the Liberty House of L&B Recovery systems.  Unaware of what would become of it and nowhere to turn, I packed what was left of my life and headed to the city of angels. The program quickly taught me about integrity and willingness to do the right thing. I would soon uncover many truths about my addiction and how it merely was a side effect of the real problem, me.  The program moved to Kentucky in February and I happily followed knowing how truly unique and special this place was.

Today, I wake up excited for the day ahead.  I work a great job to pay my own way in sobriety.  I have an amazing support group and am surrounded by friends I wouldn’t change for the world.  My relationship with my family continues to get better.   When my head hits the pillow at night I feel good about myself, knowing that I tried my absolute best to do the right thing that day,  knowing I don’t have to spend one more day feeling like I used to.  Thanks to L&B Recovery I have my life back and a future to look forward to and for this I will be forever grateful.  If you or a loved one is in the grips of addiction please know that there is help and authentic happiness is in reach. Contact the Liberty Ranch!

Introducing Haskell

Hey guys! I hope you have enjoyed your weekend and I certainly hope that I’ve contributed to that in some way…

Well, here we are… the last day of the weekend of posts where I’m showing you some of the frames that I received in my Warby Parker Home Try-on Program AND the shoes that I purchased in my first JustFab order. I have to say, I love this look also because it was very minimal and comfortable but the frames and the shoes jazzed it up just enough.

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The name of these frames is Haskell and they are in the Crystal color. I think they are so perfect for Summer Festivals and casual looks that might look a little drab without cool accessories to give it a little something extra.

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And while we’re on the subject of accessories let me just say that I love accessories but they aren’t always very conventional… it may be something like my HAIR that I use to add to the overall look especially if I’m going to be out and about and don’t want to bother with bags or even jewelry.

It’s a simple style… 2 French braids but the fact that the parts aren’t even adds a little something different to the look.

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The dress is from Forever21 and is so comfy I went back online to order another one!

The blush colored top is from Urban Outfitters

And making an appearance for the final time this weekend are the Jedelia shoes from JustFab. Overall I like the style of the shoes… they are cute and extremely versatile but they aren’t comfortable. I guess getting what you pay for means quality a lot more than it does style and maybe this is why the shoes are ALWAYS so inexpensive. I mean, I’ll wear them… but I wont be running to them regularly.

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That’s all folks! I hope you like these type of posts. I’ll be exploring lots of Fashion and different ways to showcase it here on the blog. If you have any great ideas or suggestions on what you want to see please let me know.

What Summer fashion trends and accessories are you being torn away from as Fall approaches?

Piper and Jedelia

In case you don’t already know all weekend I’ll be sharing pictures of the frames I’m trying out from Warby Parker AND I’ll be showing you some cute, Summer fashion (before it creeps away) along with it. Today is Day 2 and I have to say, I think it’s my favorite!

 Details are below…

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The frames are called Piper and were my favorite of my 5 day Home Try-on Program from Warby Parker. I love them! They are actually the same frames from my previous post but the all black just took it “there” for me.

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The blazer and tank top are from Forever21

The skirt is from H&M

  The shoes are from JustFab and are called Jedelia.(This weekend I’m also showing how they can be styled 3 different ways.)

The bag was thrifted YEARS ago and honestly I cant even remember what state I was in… Lol.

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  I hope you like this look and I’m so excited to be showing Fashion on the blog again. Tomorrow will be the last of this series but look forward to more fun posts from me as well as some street fashion, kid fashion, and features from other bloggers.

Sober Saturday: War

Happy Sober Saturday!!

I am jumping back into Sober Saturday (It’s bi-weekly now) with a very transparent story about an experience that happened to me about a year ago. This experience was one of the scariest things that ever happened to me and though it wasn’t about an addiction to anything, it taught me soooo much about myself.  I had a difficult time recording this video and even now I’m nervous about posting it. I didn’t do a lot of editing AT ALL because trying to perfect it became a distraction from actually posting it and moving on. I’m ready to FULLY live in the freedom that comes from overcoming something and if that means getting it out then I’m up for it.

Here’s the story…

WAR-

A SUSTAINED EFFORT TO DEAL WITH OR END A PARTICULAR UNPLEASANT OR UNDESIRABLE SITUATION OR CONDITION.

After visiting many Doctors in New Orleans and Ft Worth (really just to comfort my family, I already knew what it was) and after many, many tests nothing was found. I grew even more frustrated and thought of ALL the possibilities that could happen and that took my focus away from actually dealing with the situation. I’m someone who values things being done properly so all I could think was  “What am I doing wrong?” “What did I do to upset God?” “Why isn’t he helping me?”  But this was about me realizing the strength that God had ALREADY given me.

I was so devastated and broken because I’d never experienced anything like this. After losing confidence in my appearance and even my capabilities I cut all of my hair off (I wanted to see myself differently. I think that helped…) and I have strayed away from using my imagination so much. This was the first year since I started theater that I didn’t participate in any form of theater really AT ALL. I allowed this experience to become bigger than me. I had to realize who I was and what I’ve already done and what I’ve already overcome and then FIGHT for myself and my dreams. I had to get a lil cocky! Lol. I had to go to War and show Satan and myself that I’m strong enough to win and then, WIN! This wasn’t a pleasant experience by far but it allowed me to look at how I was dealing with it and realize that that is how I deal with most things. I allow my mind to take something and build on to it… I allow myself to make things bigger and treat them as though its real and true. (Apparently the eyeballs WEREN’T all over me… Lol.) As I stated in the video, the mind is a powerful thing. When you are convinced of something in your mind you begin to act as though it is fact. Your reaction, actions, your body, everything responds to what your mind tells it to.

This Sober Saturday isn’t about being Sober from any addiction but its about identifying a dysfunction in your behavior and correcting it. The war isn’t always going to be against Satan or someone else… on the worst days the person you are and the person you are supposed to become will have to fight. It’s tough work but its so worth it. This is a part of my journey… And the physical illness woke me up to allow myself to heal and grow spiritually. I cannot stand Satan but I’m glad that he brought the warfare because God turned it around to benefit me and has really taken me to a new level of living.

Do the work guys! And fight for yourself… God believes in you enough to keep you here and to put you on this earth for a purpose. If it’s good enough for him to believe in… out of EVERYONE ONE THE EARTH, he chose you… If he believes it, you are capable!

Thanks so much for sticking with me.

Sober Saturday is back in full effect so if you have something to share please don’t keep it to yourself. Someone is somewhere waiting to hear a story like yours to take them into the next level of living… DO IT! Email jamiedreamsbig@gmail.com

Muah!

Sober Saturday: Motivation

Hello my loves!!

It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted anything and I must say, I’m so grateful for my blog and my followers, that I feel guilty when I feel unmotivated especially for important posts like the ones I do on Sex Trafficking and of course, SOBER SATURDAY!

I sat in the bed last night and began to panic when I realized that it was Friday and I hadn’t even thought about what I’d post for Sober Saturday let alone be motivated or urged (by my own thoughts, others, God, circumstances, etc) to post something like I usually am. I refused to NOT have a post yet another Saturday! REFUSED!! It was then that it occurred to me that my responsibility despite my motivation (or lack thereof) was a post in itself.

Regardless of who you are and what you do motivation is something we all need. Sometimes it may seem people don’t know the answer or don’t understand simply to give you the opportunity to find the answer in yourself.

 

There are so many of you that may be new to sobriety or working towards sobriety, OR simply feeling unmotivated… We allow our jobs, situations,  family and friends, and even addiction, to occupy our lives so much that there’s nothing left. When it’s time to do something that is usually pretty simple we are so worn down that we don’t even have the energy or ,mind space for it.  This is exactly what has been happening with me and blogging- something that I LOVE doing and is good for me has taken a backseat because I’ve allowed other things to get in the front.

I know this post isn’t very long or necessarily full of profound things but I certainly hope it can be a jumping point for some of you to begin doing the things you love even when you may be low on energy or feeling down. Doing something you love and pushing through despite how you’re feeling may remind you why you began it in the first place and spark inspiration to continue. Whether it’s motivating yourself to stop using drugs, encouraging yourself to get up and go to the AA meeting, or pushing through the tiredness and writing a blogpost- ENCOURAGE YOURSELF and keep moving!! Think about some of the things you like to do that are good for you… Some of the things that can be cathartic and provoke self growth. Maybe you need to go through and do some prioritizing and ERASING things and/or people from your life than really don’t add anything positive to your personal growth. It can be hard work depending on how far down on the list you’ve allowed positivity and personal growth to sink. Do it anyway! The peace you’ll experience from a free mind (freedom from drugs, alcohol, negativity, stress, work, etc) will be SO worth it.

Reach for more… And while your hand is on the way up BELIEVE you’ll be bringing down the things you need to help you keep moving.

 

 

I thought from the age of about 5 that I would be a Movie Star at a young age and that people would watch me grow up on tv or in movies… The thing I absolutely love about jamiedreamsbig.com is that you guys are able to witness my growth as a young adult as it happens. No, it’s not in the way that I thought it would be. But, it’s in a more real, up close and personal kind of way. I’m as honest as I can be with y’all and I genuinely PRAY and hope that my blog inspires you in some way.

 

Thanks to all of my new followers!! I see ya…

And thanks to the ones who have been with me from the beginning… I appreciate all the love. I LOVE the love.

 

You WILL hear from/see me soon! MUAH!

 

Spring Fashion: Floral & Leopard Print

 

Hey guys!! I hope you like the new video… The look is pretty much made up of basics that I’ve thrown together with fun prints to make a cute spring outfit. Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel and be sure to check out the deets on this look below. MUAH!

 

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Okay… Here goes…

the Turban is actually a skirt : ) I got it from Bloomin Deals thrift store on Freret St here in New Orleans

the Leopard print bandeau is American Apparel

the skirt is a maxi dress from Forever21

the blue shirt is from Old Navy

(Began its life with sleeves and I tied it at the back for the crop top effect)
And the sandals are yet another pair from Urban Outfitters

Go check out my YouTube channel y’all and look out for new videos…

JNB