Sober Saturday: War

Happy Sober Saturday!!

I am jumping back into Sober Saturday (It’s bi-weekly now) with a very transparent story about an experience that happened to me about a year ago. This experience was one of the scariest things that ever happened to me and though it wasn’t about an addiction to anything, it taught me soooo much about myself.  I had a difficult time recording this video and even now I’m nervous about posting it. I didn’t do a lot of editing AT ALL because trying to perfect it became a distraction from actually posting it and moving on. I’m ready to FULLY live in the freedom that comes from overcoming something and if that means getting it out then I’m up for it.

Here’s the story…



After visiting many Doctors in New Orleans and Ft Worth (really just to comfort my family, I already knew what it was) and after many, many tests nothing was found. I grew even more frustrated and thought of ALL the possibilities that could happen and that took my focus away from actually dealing with the situation. I’m someone who values things being done properly so all I could think was  “What am I doing wrong?” “What did I do to upset God?” “Why isn’t he helping me?”  But this was about me realizing the strength that God had ALREADY given me.

I was so devastated and broken because I’d never experienced anything like this. After losing confidence in my appearance and even my capabilities I cut all of my hair off (I wanted to see myself differently. I think that helped…) and I have strayed away from using my imagination so much. This was the first year since I started theater that I didn’t participate in any form of theater really AT ALL. I allowed this experience to become bigger than me. I had to realize who I was and what I’ve already done and what I’ve already overcome and then FIGHT for myself and my dreams. I had to get a lil cocky! Lol. I had to go to War and show Satan and myself that I’m strong enough to win and then, WIN! This wasn’t a pleasant experience by far but it allowed me to look at how I was dealing with it and realize that that is how I deal with most things. I allow my mind to take something and build on to it… I allow myself to make things bigger and treat them as though its real and true. (Apparently the eyeballs WEREN’T all over me… Lol.) As I stated in the video, the mind is a powerful thing. When you are convinced of something in your mind you begin to act as though it is fact. Your reaction, actions, your body, everything responds to what your mind tells it to.

This Sober Saturday isn’t about being Sober from any addiction but its about identifying a dysfunction in your behavior and correcting it. The war isn’t always going to be against Satan or someone else… on the worst days the person you are and the person you are supposed to become will have to fight. It’s tough work but its so worth it. This is a part of my journey… And the physical illness woke me up to allow myself to heal and grow spiritually. I cannot stand Satan but I’m glad that he brought the warfare because God turned it around to benefit me and has really taken me to a new level of living.

Do the work guys! And fight for yourself… God believes in you enough to keep you here and to put you on this earth for a purpose. If it’s good enough for him to believe in… out of EVERYONE ONE THE EARTH, he chose you… If he believes it, you are capable!

Thanks so much for sticking with me.

Sober Saturday is back in full effect so if you have something to share please don’t keep it to yourself. Someone is somewhere waiting to hear a story like yours to take them into the next level of living… DO IT! Email



Hello My loves!!

We are all well into the week and If you’re like me, sometimes you are SO over going through the motions of life just to LIVE, and pay bills, and eat, etc… Well, PLEASE understand that none of this is in vain and you have to be willing to be “used” wherever you are.

Although I can VERY easily get discouraged sometimes (because ALL of my dreams are SO big!) My personal experience with this is a pretty cool one…

I’ve been working in hospitality for the last few years because I LOVE customer service jobs but every once in a while I not only get fed up with “my job”,  but really the fact that I’m not where I thought I would be at this age in my career. (Yeah, I’ve always had dreams bigger than life)With all of that being said, I’m not the type of person to come to work and do a horrible job because of my lack of satisfaction with how I think my life is supposed to play out as opposed to how God says it will. So, one night I was at work and something that NEVER happens happend. One of our guests truck was stolen. WHAT?! Yes, a whole truck. I felt so bad and so helpless for the guest because no matter how good my customer service skills are, there was nothing I could do in this situation. Im a “fixer” and I couldnt fix this… Determined to help, I did what I would do if the guest were my Mom or any of my Sisters and they were in a city they knew nothing about and now, dealing with the fact that their car was stolen. I tried to encourage her and shift her focus from this horrible thing to all of the GOOD possibilities that could come out of it. (A new, better truck, etc)  At the time I was reading “I Declare” by Joel Osteen and I made a copy of a page and wrote a note on it for he and left it and im sure some kind of snack (I love snacks!) for her.

Im a pretty cheesy person so I do things like leave notes and treats often but because of the work I do I CANT always openly let the guests know “I’ll pray about it” or that they should, or that God will surely fix it and has to have a bigger plan in mind. This situation was different… discernment stepped in and I could just feel that it was needed. I was unsure of how it would play out over time but since then I’ve stopped working this particular job regularly. (because my work in theater has picked up SO MUCH) But a few weeks ago SHE CALLED! I just so happen to be the person working that day (insane I KNOW) and I answered… She explained who she was and thanked me for all of the encouragement and said since then she has gotten A new, better truck! The one she actually wanted anyway! She went on to say how she’s gotten her whole family to start the book and that she thinks about the situation and how I tried to turn it around for her. This was exactly what I needed at the time… to hear that basically all of the blogging, and making videos, and time I put into uplifting others wasnt in vain.

Now its no secret that I think pretty highly of myself… I mean, what’s not to love?! Lol. But, I’m not writing this to brag on myself… I want to share how your willingness to be used for good and continue to shine even when you aint feeling it can help someone else. Shine consistently, shine bright, shine when you dont feel like it, shine when you really want to be working on Broadway instead of at a Hotel, SHINE!! You’ll get the desires of your heart and you can encourage others while you are on your journey.

So, yes it’s Thursday and this week may be dragging for you… continue to shine even when you dont feel like it… It may help someone else through something. Be willing to be used where you are and you’ll be blessed with more and more and more.

Sober Saturday: Linda Smith. My mommy!!

It’s Sober Saturday and next up is my Mom! (I call her Lil Momma. Lol) What can I say about Lil Miss Linda? Lol. She’s a Mom! Even in her addiction she had a maternal instinct out of this world. Sassy, outspoken, caring, and always a Lady are a few of the things that describe her very well. She a sweet little lady.  In her addiction she was angry, verbally and sometimes physically abusive to people. It’s the perfect example of how drugs can COMPLETELY change you. She used drugs for about 32 years and after getting fed up… she stopped! She just stopped! It amazes me how after going through program after program she still used. But, by participating in several church ministries and putting God first she dropped a habit she’d had for more than half her life!! . Its been 7 years and I’m so proud of her for allowing God to work in her life and for not giving up on herself.
The title of her story is:

The Lord Changed Me

When I think about my life before the lord changed me, I was so messed up. I was a working mother who was addicted to drugs. My life had become unmanageable and I was going through life thinking that I had it all together, but I was really on a path of destruction. I remember when I had to tell my girls that mommy had to go away to get clean from drugs ,and my baby Jamie said “if you love me, can’t you just stop using drugs?” It hurt me to my heart not to tell her yes. People will tell you about how good drugs made them feel, but they don’t tell you about the bad part. For years I struggled with my addiction. I was disappointing people who I loved and who loved me .I felt hopeless, helpless, and i wanted to die. Over the years my daughter Deitra would talk to me about changing my lifestyle… I would tell her that I have tried to change, but  I cant! She would say “Momma, you can’t… But GOD can! Let GOD do for you what you can’t do for yourself.” So I made a decision to ask GOD to come into my heart and my life. Today I am so thankful that God loves me and that he has given me the opportunity to be the child that he would have me to be and he will do the same thing for you if you let him.

Once I made the decision that I no longer wanted drugs to be a part of my life, I had to do something’s…

1. I had to admit I was powerless when it came to drugs, and when I used drugs my life was  unmanageable
2. I knew GOD could restore my sanity  and I knew he would if I asked him and that leads to the next step…
3. I asked GOD to come in my heart and in my life and he did!

Today I have been clean for 7 years!!!! I am sooooo thankful! (Thank you Lord!) Thanks to my daughters for still loving me and always being there for me. Thank you Deitra for not giving up on me, for not giving in to me. For you and Kevin always having me and your sisters back.

So if anyone is feelings as hopeless as I was just know it can happen for you too! Give it to God!

I’m so proud of. you and more inspired than you know by your progress!! Thanks for staying strong and pushing through… I love you Lil Momma

Walks, talks, inspiration, & an OOTD… A day with me.

Hello! I’ve been super busy with SUPER exciting things but I have managed to FINALLY put together a 3 part post that I filmed about 2 weeks ago.

First up is some randomness straight from my mind as I walk. I’m sure I got some crazy stares but sometimes I have thoughts or even conversations with myself (no shame here! Lol) that I know others may be able to benefit from and since inspiration and growth are the main goal here- I don’t mind looking crazy if something positive will be gained. Here goes…

No more hindering growth! It’s so easy to become comfortable or “stuck in your ways” but let’s try to challenge ourselves and create growth. It’s so worth it!

So, while I was recording that I was strolling through the French Quarter on my way to an AWESOME experience I invited myself to and was welcomed with open arms… Most of the scenario is explained in the vid but I will say that I was SO excited! It’s great when you feel like you’re in a place where God wants you to be and I can say that about this entire experience!  It was great! And everyone I crossed paths with due to this was a blessing in my life that day. Watch, enjoy, and hopefully you’ll gain something from it…

I had such an amazing time that morning!! I hope you enjoyed it as well but trust me this lil 8 minute video isn’t nearly as great as it was to have been there! Your scars can really serve as a testimony if you allow God to use you the way he wants to… The suffering and pain you go through would all be in vain if you don’t expose how you came out victorious… Now, of course everything ain’t for everybody to know… Some people are just being nosy or messy or may even try to use your scars and your past against you so pray for discernment and God will let you know what to share with who and if the information will be helpful to them.

Lastly… I decided to go ahead and do an OOTD… Since it was SO hot outside and we were a few weeks into fall I included this vid in my series “Summer, Where you goin?” It’s very, VERY simple but I hope you’ll check it out anyway and let me know what you think…

I told you it was simple! Here are the details tho…

* the TANK TOP is from a 5 pack of Hanes Ribbed Cotton Tanks : )

* the SHORTS began life as pants and are from Forever21

* the PLAID SHIRT is from Urban Outfitters… It’s by BDG

* the necklace is from H&M, ring is Forever21, and the bracelet was a gift!

*and the shoes… MY FAVORITE SHOES… are Chucks from Urban Outfitters.

And yes, I am responsible for the art work all over them. Lol


Simplicity is almost on its way out the door because the breeze is getting a little cooler everyday and I cant wait to do some fun Fall OOTD’s! Stay tuned…

Thanks so much for watching my videos!! I really appreciate it…. Feel free to comment. MUAH!

Tuesday Morning Reflections…

Hello Beautiful people… Well, as you can tell from the date- what you just read was a post I did nearly a year ago. I am a note taker… To the fullest! I take notes in classes, in my bible during church, even while I’m reading books and plays I keep a pencil with me to circle ideas and jot down questions or random ideas. And as i have confessed before, I LOVE buying cards!! The idea of writing down my feelings at a certain time and giving them to someone is golden to me… but the best part of notes isn’t necessarily what you immediately gain. It’s when you find a note, card, or random quote that you wrote a while ago and you’re able to presently identify with those feelings and get through them because of something that was thought or purchased long ago. I LOVE that!! I honestly can’t tell you how many times I’ve had this happen and I feel like maybe some of these things can help someone else so, I’m going to start posting these reflections. The first of many was posted on this blog nearly a year ago… Its short and sweet but will always hold some truth.


Everyone will have their own way of dealing with things but the important thing is to not let someone else’s addiction weigh you down so much to the point that you’re going crazy yourself!! It’s so hard to show tough love sometimes and ignore the name calling and fights that in most cases are sure to come but it’s so worth it. TRUST ME! If they aren’t ready to change then you will have to be the one to take the higher road… Create a change that allows you to still love them but that also isn’t going to put you in the fire. When you’re constantly being hurt by lies and manipulation it’s hard to think about it but addicts go through a lot too! Especially the addict that WANTS to be clean but is truly struggling with the illness. Just think about the guilt it causes when this drug or thing has taken over your life to the point that you’re stealing and lying and doing so many things that you don’t want to for a drug you don’t even really want but your body now NEEDS! It tough… Until the addict is REALLY ready to change a lot of what you say will likely go over their head but continue to encourage them and pray for discernment on when to say something and what to say. When you don’t have the words to speak God will give you what to say… And when you do have a few choice words that won’t help the situation AT ALL (been there, TRUST ME! Lol) God wont let it get past being a thought.  It will all work out in time… But until then don’t be afraid to make some changes and be happy with life!! Your change may be what finally pulls them through… HUGS AND LOVE, JNB

Happy September!!



How many times have you heard someone (or maybe even yourself) say “Its the little things…”? Well, all of those small things can really be considered big when looking at the entire picture. In other words the little things we often take for granted like maybe your husband taking the trash out and making sure the oil is changed in your car, your wife cooking/cleaning/being a good Mother/fulfilling wifely duties, or sometimes even waking up with breath in our bodies and limbs that all function properly are a real big deal when it’s no longer happening… The “little” things are BIG! Anyway, being that I was excited about life I decided to celebrate… And if you’re thinking that box of Funfetti cake has anything to do with it you would be correct!!


^^^^THAT is what was in progress when my cousin asked me “Whats the occasion?” Well, I LOVE most things that are sweet… (Cake, cookies, candy, pie… It’s BAD!!) so I was already making cupcakes mostly because I had a box of Funfetti, a cup of water, 3 eggs, 3/4 cup of oil, and icing! I mean… Why not?! Lol. But I quickly replied ” Ummm… It’s September 1st! Right? Yeah, it’s September 1st so that’s why…. And plus Karayan’s (my BFF) birthday is this month so we can just celebrate all month…”  I smirked at my silliness…

I mean, I was being silly but I think seeing another day and Karayan seeing another year is a wonderful reason to celebrate… Of course I am also very happily a junk food junkie but my point in all of this is learning to just enjoy each day as it comes. You may not have everything you want but be happy about the fact that you have everything you need. You may not even be in a place in your life where you have everything you need but you are HERE and sticking it out through rough times is so worth it!


This is the final look of the cupcakes… Kinda cute huh? And good too! I Love cupcakes…

Anyway- all I did was cut wrapping paper to cover the size of regular plates and follow the regular directions for making cupcakes except spooning 3 tablespoons of batter into each cupcake sleeve (I guess that’s what they’re called) I  got 14 cupcakes instead of 24 doing it that way but of course, they were bigger.


This is the icing I used. It was left over from earlier this month when I made Moscato cupcakes for my birthday so of course, my icing was drenched in Moscato. I didn’t measure how much I put in but instead tried to monitor the consistency of the icing… too much and the icing will be loose and drippy. These cupcakes shouldn’t intoxicate anyone but could possibly create feelings happier than plain ole icing produces when eaten in excess.

Celebrate and and thank God for your “right now” whatever it may be… Your attitude when you have nothing can be what takes you to the next level! CELEBRATE!


Just in case you’re almost at that point…




Don’t you do it! Your journey is not complete without a few bumpy roads… and when you make it through you will appreciate the tough times for making you stronger. As I prepare to go back to New York I think about last year when I went for school… I always- seriously ALWAYS wanted to live in New York and I was finally there. It was everything I knew it would be and SO much more… SO much more!! I had the time of my life but it was not easy by far. I had some of my most difficult, humbling times in New York and I realized that while I had been praying to get there my whole life and being confused at why it was so hard to get there- I was there at the perfect time! I wouldn’t have been strong enough mentally, physically, or spiritually before that exact moment. God knows what he is doing. It may not always make a bunch of sense to us in the moment but in the big scheme of things- its PERFECT! Keep on trusting, keep on pushing! And every time you feel like giving up PUSH HARDER! Have a great day loves! Muah, JNB

Freedom is yours… TODAY!

I just wanted to take a quick second to let you know that if you are struggling with some sort of an addiction (to ANYTHING!) you can be freed of it today! It is more than possible and I am rooting for you. And I know for the families of an addict it can be difficult at times. You can grow impatient with the lying and manipulating, etc… but hold on. I guarantee you the guilt that the addict is feeling is far worse… stay strong for them. Be the anchor. And when you get tired of being strong (because you will) rely on inspirational sites/blogs, organizations, and people that you know because in the long run it will be SO worth it to be able to see and FEEL the freedom that comes when your loved one says to addiction “No MORE!”… Freedom is for you and its yours TODAY! Hugs and a whole bunch a love, jnb

Through the eyes of Mr. Davis…

I cannot even begin to say how much this video has touched me… it has taken me a while to do this post because every time I get ready to write anything or every time I look at it I start back crying… Sharing this video is VERY needed so that those of us who are fortunate enough to do the things that many of us take for granted, can see a different point of view. I’m extremely passionate about ending homelessness so I’m not going to say nearly as much as I’m feeling but instead I will lett Mr Davis do the speaking and allow you to feel whatever you may feel. But I do want you to think about when the last time was you went out of your way to help someone in need. With a meal, a few dollars, or even a smile or hug because sometimes that’s all that’s needed. I know that I have been spared and been completely blessed to not be in this situation… not because of who I am but because of who God is. Think about it… It could be you or me just as easy as it is anyone else. We have no right to look down on anyone or base if we give or what we give on how they got in the situation. (Seriously!) Now of course, this post is about the people who really need help… I’m such a giving person that I had to ask God for discernment in these situations a LONG time ago because I would never want to be a enabler to someone who is just looking to fund their next high… But honestly, even drug addicts can be homeless, cold, wet, and hungry. If you’re not comfortable with giving money nothing is wrong with giving food, blankets, coats, and LOVE! These are the things we all need to survive regardless of race, religion, or status. We are all Human… and we can all make it if we help one another. So why not? Why leave anyone behind if we can all go? Let’s ALL get lifted…

Blessing my future by declaring victory!!

Blessing my future by declaring victory!!

Good morning and Happy Monday!! I think ive mentined before that i LOVE to read!! And I am absolutely OBSESSED with Joel Osteen’s ministry!! No matter what Im feeling (happy, sad, confused, discouraged, etc…) his sermons always speak to me! Always! His newest book, “I Declare” is full wisdom on how the things we speak outloud ultimately come to pass!! Ive always been a believer in Proverbs 18:21 which says “death and life are in the power of the tongue” and it has proved true in my life…. This book is just another way for me to declare that I will be victorious in life regardless of the daily battles I face AND to get a good read in daily!!!! In my mind im already the champ!! If you are ready to go higher, get this book!! It will strengthen your relationship with God, it will increase your faith and your confidence that what you have is enough!! And that God hasnt forgot about your dreams… he’s just waiting for the perfect time to make them a reality. Get this book!!