I’m tired guys. Not just physically or mentally, but in every way imaginable. I’m tired of living. And I’m not that old… But every once in a while I just get tired of being here. So today, while sitting in bed thinking… I realized I had been thinking about my funeral. And what it would be like for me and for others if I we! ren’t here anymore. I realized that I’d thought out all the details… Down to the polish on my nails. And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We need to know how we want our funeral services to be… But it is a bad thing that I’d rather not be here so often. Logically speaking, I know that God loves me and I know he knows I love him. I know where I’m going when I die and most of the time I’d rather just go ahead and go. It’s a REAL struggle for me. Am I alone?
Im grateful that God loves me enough to grant me more days here and I’m grateful that he keeps giving me another chance to get it right but it’s exhausting. The fight for freedom from my old ways and things from my past that try to hold me back. It’s exhausting. Being tempted. Trying to be patient. Trying to survive. Trying to get people to see me for me and not for who they THINK I am or should be. It’s tiring.
This is a different kind of post than my usual upbeat post. But I wanted to share my reality and get it all out and hopefully inspire someone. Hopefully someone will see that their not alone. You aren’t. We all have moments and even as I sit here not sure of all the answers I know that the thing that keeps me here is knowing that somewhere somebody needs Jamie. The world needs me in some way. That’s why I’ll keep fighting even when I’m tired way past my limit. Somebody needs you too. There is something in this world that YOU were created for. Something that only YOU can do… Keep fighting through the frustration. Keep fighting through whatever pain from your past that seems to just follow you. Fight. Fight through your mistakes. You’re bigger than them. Fight for you… A happy you.
You’re worth it.
Hey! Listen. There’s help if you need it… Don’t be too proud. We need you.
1800 273 8255
That’s the number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Use it if you need to.
I saw this the other day and thought “Wow!” It’s one of those simple truths that sounds so profound when you’re in a place of wanting to move forward but can’t figure out what’s holding you back…. My WEAKNESSES?! Yes, … Continue reading
Hey my loves! Traveling is something I’ve always loved doing and when I originally came up with the idea for the blog I wanted to include that part of my life. Unfortunately up until now I haven’t. I am still unsure of exactly how this will go but I’m going to just jump in and share a piece of my past weekend with you guys.
So, jamiedreamsbig travel edition first stop: St Louis.
Everyone needs a few car selfies. Right?
Now, I didn’t do a lot in St Louis because the purpose of my trip was really to surprise my sister for her 30th Birthday and she actually lives in Belleville, Illinois. My absolute favorite part of the day is what I’ll be sharing with and and it was… You guessed it!
The St Louis Arch!
It reaches 630 feet in the air!!
It amazing up close and it’s so high that it was impossible to capture the entire monument in one piece so closely.
I was was less than thrilled on the way up in a small tram that looks like the inside of a little spaceship. It took 4 nerve racking minutes to reach the top… I had to eat a snack to calm myself. Lol.
But when we did reach the top, IT. WAS. AMAZING!
There were small windows (16 on each side) that allow you to take a look at the city from a view you’d only otherwise be able to experience by helicopter.
Seeing Busch Stadium, the stadium the St Louis Cardinals play at, was incredible from that high up!
We all know that I’m a geek for anything Historical so I welcomed that aspect of this as well.
Apparently it was built as a Memorial for those who helped and aided with Westward Expansion because of that, there was also a Museum of Westward Expansion. It was full of facts on the expansion and it really covered a lot. We were able to see guns, wagons, tools, coins, and moving exhibits that talked even blinked! It was cool.
Yes, I had to get a selfie with the cow. I’m a Texan!
I hope you guys have enjoyed my first travel post. There will definitely be more and I promise they’ll only get better from here.
What’s your favorite thing about St Louis?
Hey guys! I recently received an email from Bob Clary, the Community Manager at Webucator (An online Training Company) explaining a hot new campaign they are running this month and inviting me to participate. He asked me one question… A … Continue reading
On this day a month ago I stepped out of this car, facing the wrong way on the interstate in 9am traffic with not one scratch or bruise on my body. I have no question in my mind about who it was that saved me that day.
It was a dreary day and we were all getting together for breakfast at one of our favorite spots Anita’s. We left early and because the rest of our group was running behind we decided to take it easy. We got on the interstate and before we could make it even a mile down the road the car slid on what may have been a puddle of water… Coming out of the slide I remember thinking “That was close..” But it didn’t stop there. We spun around several times hitting both sides of the interstate (SO close to going over) and it seems that all of the cars in front of us sped ahead and all the cars behind us froze in time. I called Jesus’ name the entire time and I know he was there with us. It was an extremely scary thing to happen but the peace that God gave me while we were spinning told me that everything would be okay and it is!
We both both stepped out of the car able to walk and talk and have all of the regular activity of our limbs. God is good huh? He’s never failed me and though I know he never will, this experience really opened my eyes to some things. My life and my purpose is precious to him. Lil ole me y’all!
I’m so glad he looked beyond all of my faults and spared my life so I can live for him and truly walk in the purpose that he clearly wants me here on earth for.
Thank you God! You’re amazing!
Guess what you guys?
I’ve added helpful information to the Resources & Tools page!! I’m so excited just knowing that I’ve got a pretty good list started on programs that could possibly help even just one person be restored from Addiction. It’s awesome!
I have to tell you that I was actually contacted by someone with this information which is RARE! Ms. Brenda, the Community Outreach Coordinator for the Alcohol Awareness Council, emailed me asking if I’d be interested in Resources to add to the list already listed on the blog. So of course I said YES! It is an act that I’ll forever be grateful for and the perfect example of someone with more information reaching out to help. I love it!
The sources that she sent me are Project Know and Heroin.net and both of them are absolutely perfect for anyone looking for help with addiction. You can even specify your location and get helpful information for the area you live in!! Please visit the Resources & Tools page and the websites listed if you are seeking help. It’s all there!!
*I currently live in New Orleans, LA and Ms. Brenda was nice enough to include the links for the New Orleans area. If you follow the hyperlinks above it will lead you straight to the New Orleans pages for each website.
Sometimes I think my dreams are too big… Thinking about the dreams that MLK had inspire me to begin something grand instead of putting a dream down out because of fear I won’t be able to complete it. Don’t be afraid to pass that dream along…
I’m sticking with love too! Thank you for your dream, Sir!
And Happy Birthday!
When I was younger I could go NON-STOP!
I had 3 jobs, I’d make sure I volunteered at least once a week at a shelter, did all kinds of things with my younger niece and little cousins, and I was apart of the Drama Ministry at my Church. (Great Commission Baptist Church, Fort Worth, TX)
I did many shows over the years but right now one in particular sticks out to me…
It was the Black History program and I was all set to be Fannie Lou Hamer. A civil rights and voting rights activists who was known for her straight forward approach and the quote
“I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired”
Have you ever been there?
Sick of your situation… so far on the edge that you can see the end but cant reach it?
I’ve been there.
I’ve stressed over and over my hate for drugs and alcohol and how it destroys people and their families and I know this is Sober Saturday but I also know that there are people out there like myself who don’t have a substance or alcohol abuse problem but are SICK AND TIRED!
Is it your job? Is it your lack of a job? Your family? Is it this messed up world we live in? (It’s bad out here ya’ll) Or is it in fact an addiction to something you NEVER thought would even cross your mind and now it’s all you think about?
What is it?
What are you tired of?
I love Ms. Hamer. I cant remember the complete monologue. I cant remember much about her. I don’t know if I should be typing Mrs instead of Ms. In fact, the only thing that I remember confidently is the quote that she’s known for so much that it is engraved on her tombstone. What I admire most about it is that despite her tiredness mentally, spiritually, and even physically she took action. And aggressively! Even as a Black woman in those days, with all she had against her to begin with she found ways to try to change her situation and the world around her.
What are you doing to change your situation? It’s not enough to just be tired. It’s not enough to just want change. I’m not going to go into the whole “you have to be strong”, “you have to push through” speech because we all know what we have to do OR better yet, we know what NOT to do. Don’t put yourself back in the same situation because it convenient. Don’t do that to yourself. Do what you gotta do. Get it together. No more sulking, being lazy, and JUST being tired.
Let Ms. Hamer inspire you and do it no matter how BIG the task seems.
and then get some rest…
“You can pray until you faint but unless you get up and try to do something God is not going to put it in your lap”
-Fannie Lou Hamer
Rest In Peace
Hello my loves!! How have you been? I’ve been fine… It’s been a long time coming so I’m excited to say that I’ve got an OOTD for you. I spent this past weekend stocking up on things from Trader Joes … Continue reading